Further proof that Ohio is The Suck...

Yes, I love Cedar Point. And Skyline Chili is awesome when you're wasted. But other than that Ohio pretty much blows. The fact that you're reading this blog means you're obviously an intelligent person, so this point should be self-evident.

However, if you had any doubts at all, I submit to you further proof.

Posted by Associated Press June 16, 2009 07:25AM

TOLEDO, Ohio — Some people here are complaining they received $25 parking tickets last week when their vehicles were parked in their own driveways.

Toledo Mayor Carty Finkbeiner defends the citations, saying they were issued under a city law against parking on unpaved surfaces--including gravel driveways.

The mayor, who's facing a recall vote, says he stands by the city's acting commissioner of Streets, Bridges and Harbor, Susan Frederick, who authorized the tickets.

During a news conference Monday, Finkbeiner ignored a reporter's question of whether the crackdown and fines are at all related to the city's budget crisis.

City Councilman D. Michael Collins calls the ticketing "Mickey Mouse nonsense." He has told residents he'll try to have the citations rescinded.

The three-term mayor faces a recall vote in November. Critics have claimed he's wasted city money.

City Councilman D. Michael Collins calls the ticketing "Mickey Mouse nonsense." He has told residents he'll try to have the citations rescinded.



Wow, I just don't have any comment for something that ridiculous...kind of speaks for itself. Enjoy. Link Here

Gayness finds a mascot. And there was much rejoicing.

One of the "advancements" of society that I'm most thankful for is a general acceptance of tattoos. I mean, when I was kid, pretty much the only people that had tattoos were soldiers, sailors and felons. Nowadays, you can catch some ink on doctors, lawyers and pretty much anyone else and it's no big deal.

Personally, I love tattoos. I have several, and plan on getting more. I like looking at tattoos, especially when they are located on attractive female real estate. This, in point of fact, is probably my biggest bitch about living in Michigan. Not the weather (2nd) or the lack of good sushi (3rd) but the virtual absence of hot chicks with tattoos.

Back in Cali I can go to any bar or club and check out a veritable bevy of hotties with ink--not to mention abs and fake boobs, all of which comprise B2K's Holy Trinity of Hotness--but in A2 and surrounds, babes like that seem to be an endangered species. But I'm waxing tangential right now. The point of this blog today wasn't about good tattoos, no matter how delicious their location. Nope, this one is about bad tattoos.

I've seen some bad tattoos in my day. Alot of them, actually. I have a cousin that has been striving since he was 15 years old to be Professional White Trash, so I can thank Rob for much of that. In addition, if you spend any time in a South Georgia trailer park (and I've spent alot of time there, folks) you will indubitably see some bad ink.

However, all the bad ink I've ever personally winessed doesn't even come close to something I saw today. Imagine a mental picture of Neal Patrick Harris wearing assless chaps and riding a unicorn. Now imagine that picture committed to ink on your flesh in a very, very permanent fashion. Got the idea?



Okay, so it's Patrick Swayze and not NPH. And he's not riding a unicorn, but he's a fuckin centaur! And there's no assless chaps involved but, comsidering the rest of the tattoo, there probably should be. This thing isn't even bad in the usual sense; is so awesomely bad that it's kind of cool. Seriously. I mean, if I was gay, I would have thi shit as my coat-of-arms. Dragon in flight or lion rampant? Fuck that, gimme the Swayzaur.

That is all. Cheers, people.

2 girls 1, sub

Regardless of what you think about the quality of subs that Quiznos produces, you have to absolutely love their moxie when it comes to advertising. Check out the follwing internet ad "2 girls, 1 sub."



This is, of course a spoof off "2 girls, 1 cup" (which I will most definitely NOT link, but if you've been living an a cave and wish to do the internet search on your own feel free...as long as you're prepared to be really and truly disgusted*) and Quizno's didn't actually produce this ad. But Playboy did, and Quizno's had to give tacit approval or there would be lawsuits flying right now.

I'm a fan of just about anything that gives the Finger to Clearchannel and the other Zombie Media outlets that produce sanitized, homogenized bullshit for our mass consumption. Thus, I love this. I feel redundant in giving props to Playboy, but I'm all about showing Quiznos some love for this; I think a turkey, bacon & avocado might be in order tomorrow after the gym. Mmmm...toasty.

Cheers, all.


*By "disgusted" I mean that if you have a sensitive stomach, you will probably vomit all over your computer. I'm not kidding. Do the internet seach if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Back on the loan horse? Maybe...

For those of you that don't know, I spent almost four years in California selling loans; three of which were fiscally the best years of my life (by far) and one of which was the worst.

Since getting laid off by Countrywide in July of 2008 I have been exceptionally leery of any kind of Loan Officer (LO) job. Most of them out there are 100% commission and the nature of the mortgage biz is such that it invariably takes 30-60 days to see a commission paycheck from the day you start working, and I haven't had the cash reserves necessary (or seen an opportunity I liked enough) to give it a run.

But something has changed; about a week ago a good friend turned me on to an ad he saw in Careerbuilder about a LO position. Turns out it's for a major bank. Citigroup, in fact. Yes, that Citigroup; the second largest financial institution in America and third largest in the world. I had my telphone pre-interview on Monday and my first real interview today.

During my interview I find out that Citi has their retention division located right here in Ann Arbor, MI; "retention" meaning that the only thing they focus on is refinancing current Citi clients. Finally, the gig starts off with a really solid base pay, unlimited overtime opportunity and a commission structure that puts most LOs back in a tax bracket not far where where I used to be not too long ago.

Are you fucking kidding me? The best job I've ever had in my entire life was selling loans for Ameriquest, when I was part of their Portfolio Retention (PR) division located in Sacramento...basically doing this exact same job. I'd probably still be there today if I hadn't learned that PR's closing (and my being laid off) was imminent back in late 2006. I went job hunting that November and PR ended up closing it's doors three months later, laying off over a thousand LOs with no notice.

So somehow it just so happened that two years later I moved back to this little midwestern town--not because of any job or career opportunity, but because I love it here--and come to find out that less than ten miles from my house is the hub one of the world's major financial instititutions that specializes in one of the few things on earth that A.)I really like, B.)Am extraordinarily good at, and C.)Can get paid (well) to do.

The interview went well. I'll keep y'all posted but I'm mentally swimming right now...this whole damn thing just feels serendipitious. Cheers, all.

So I got fired somehow today...

First time in my life. I've been laid off before; had a few times when my boss and I had to sit down and "reasess the parameters of my employment," but never once actually fired. Two weird and slightly hilarious factors have arisen out of this. The first is that I'm not particularly angry, bitter, resentful or any other emotion so much as baffled. The second--which plays into the first--is that I truly have no idea why.

For those of you that don't know I've been bartending at the Melting Pot for the last six months, paying the bills while struggling to get my fledgling finance company off the ground. About two months ago, the owners asked me if I would consider becoming a "key hourly" or "manager on duty" twice a week, basically something to give the full-time salary managers a day off during the week. It was a bti of a pay cut, but I figured having a steadier hourly paycheck might be a nice change. Plus I still got to bartend four nights a week, so it worked out.

Three weeks ago, our general manager quit. Basically the owners were in a quandry, because they only had one other guy available and he was a single dad living in Grand Rapids and they said they really didn't want to ask him to commute. So they asked me to move up to full-time manager. I weighed the pros and cons and, in the end, it wasn't worth it. I would be taking about a $1000/month paycut, working the same hours, having the ten times the responsibility and pretty much giving up any hope of having a weekend day off again for the forseeable future.

Against my better judgement, I said yes. I didn't want to screw the restaurant and I felt like if I said no, I would be doing exactly that. What followed was two short weeks probably pretty typical of managing in any restaurant that has no clear sense of direction and is not making alot of money: long hours, chaos and stress. No problem, yunno? Thats just part of the deal.

Last wednesday I went into work and the owners, Mark and Lisa were waiting for me. "We need to talk," Mark says, and all I could think at the time was: "Thank God." So followed about an hour of discussion where they were concerned about how happy I was, if I was stressed out or not and if the job was "right for me" at the time. No mention of performance. Nothing that most people might, yunno, consider critical to hiring and/or firing someone. But it seemed to work out at the time; I went in the next day and re-interviewd for my job with the new GM, and reported to work Friday for bartending.

The weekend passed without incident; I bartended Friday-Sunday and made some decent cash, as it was graduation weekend and had a few days off as the new schedule was supposed to come out today. Instead I got a call from Mark today telling me they had to let me go. Again, no mention of performance. Basically something to the effect of, "Well...you know the restaurant isn't doing well right now...and we like you, we really do, but we just think too far away from where we are in the way the restaurant should be run. If the restaurant was doing better, we'd like to keep you on and work with you, but as it is we have to let you go."

Ummm...are you fuckin serious? It's not like I'm your goddam accountant or a public relations manager; I'm a bartender for fuck's sake. As long as I do my job well (I do), don't give away drinks (I don't) and don't steal (I don't) what the hell is the problem? If I'm not sewing dissention at work, how the fuck does it matter if I think you're doing a shitty job running your restaurant? So you're telling me you're firing a competent, honest employee that bent over backwards for you from day one for some esoteric bullshit? Sweet. Good work.

The most hilarious part of all was the end of the conversation where he asked me to maybe give him a call once the economy turned around and they would consider me working for them again. Are you for real, dude? You just fired me without giving me any valid reason and then said it would be cool for me to work for you again "once the economy gets better"? I have no idea if that's gall, lack of anything resembling an EQ, or just sheer stupidity...either way, I can guaran-goddam-tee you that shit will never happen.

I'll find another gig in the meantime, I guess; it just feels totally surreal the way the whole thing went down. Whatever. Time for a beer and a Battlestar Galactica marathon. Cheers, people.

Does Aaron Lewis suck metaphorical cock for money?

Okay, so last night a good friend of mine gave me a heads up about a free concert that Detroit is putting on this Sunday called the My Coke Fest. It seemed cool enough, especially when I found out Staind was going to be playing. I saw them in concert in 2006 when they openend for 3 Doors Down; they put on one helluva show that day, inculding an amazing cover of Rotten Apple by Alice in Chains.

However, since then, things regarding Staind have started to get a bit weird. In other words, there's something amiss at the Circle K in San Dimas. Staind's last album (Chapter V) came out in 2005 and--as far as I know--there's no announcement for any forthcoming album anytime soon. Despite that, Aaron Lewis has apparently been on tour nonstop for the last three years. I mean, everywhere I go I see poster for this guy playing acoustic at some fleabitten Indian casino or similar venue of ill repute. "Yes, tonight! LIVE! Aaron Lewis at the Tuscaloosa County Fair and Gun Show!"

So it was nice to hear that Staind was actually back together and not playing some bullshit "unplugged" edition of thier former selves. Of course, that's until I actaully went online and saw the lineup for the My Coke Fest: the headliner is fuckin Fergie! Are you shitting me? You get people out to see Gym Class Heroes and Staind and then for the grand finale we get...Fergie?! I mean, its a free show so i really have no right to bitch, but who was the marketing genius that put this lineup together?

Oh, and that's not a slam on Stacy Fergueson by any means. Really. She's hot, bi and used to have a chemical addiction problem...all of which makes her sound like any number of girls Ive dated before. I'm totally down with the Dutchess, folks. It's just that I don't see how the hell she ends up headlining the same venue that Staind is playing at. Does this make sense to anyone?

All that aside, I'm really starting to wonder about Mr. Lewis. Between playing any venue that will let him (how many millions of times can you clench your shaved pate and eyebrow ring in mock-agony while you sing "It's Been a While" after all?) and now opening for Fergie, is there no sense of pride or dignity left as to where you will or won't play? WTF, dude? I mean, there has to be a serious drug or gambling problem here that we don't all know about. I'm not trying to get all individualistic/anti-establishment/don'twhoreyourselfouttoTheMan but at this point Aaron Lewis, your choice of venue is the musical equivalent of you sucking cock for money.

That is all.

400 babies! The glory that is "Powerthirst!"

So for those of you that have never seen the youtube of POWERTHIRST! or POWERTHIRST II! I highly HIGHLY recommend spending 5 minutes and watching that shit. A friend pointed it out to me last night and I laughed so hard I was literally crying. Enjoy, folks.