Christian Audigier is a pederast

It has to stop, people. This is utter insanity. It's bad enough that we've been subjected to shitty Ed Hardy shirts, jeans and hats, but now we've got cups, candles, air fresheners and seat covers? Holy fuck, isn't there a recession going on? Why on God's green earth are people spending $50 for a shirt that looks like absolute crap?

I mean, generally the deciding factors in buying any sort of apparel are quality, price and style. We're talking 50-60 bucks for a fucking tee shirt here; how great can the quality really be? If it last five-ten years that makes it...oh, just about as durable as every other tee shirt I own. If this was the coolest thing since the Wonderbra, I could dig it, but seriously? Look at this shirt. LOOK AT IT!


That's a professional model in that pic and the shirt still looks hideous. They all look hideous. Your average Ed Hardy shirt has a disgusting combination of hearts, roses, tigers and eagles vomited out in random disarray and covered with Swarovski crystals, sometimes including scrollwork with the ubiquitous quote, "Love Kills Slowly." Yeah. Like, whatever the fuck that means. Ed Hardy shirts come every color imaginable, yet still manage to look bad with every article of clothing ever created. Its a rare accomplishment for one shirt to suck this much; the only things that go well with Ed Hardy clothing are fake orange tans and social ostracism.

The one redeeming quality they have is that they usually serve as an excellent social barometer. If I meet a dude wearing an Ed Hardy shirt I can immediately tell one of two things.

• He’s under 23. Mom and dad are still shelling out ridiculous gobs of cash to support his various habits, which include jaegerbombs, absurd amounts of hair product, bad fashion choices and cocaine. His faux-goth urban hipster ass just graduated from shopping at Hot Topic, but it hasn't evolved an iota.
• He’s over 23. He’s a complete douchetard that has no sense of fashion and an even poorer sense of silly things like “self respect” and “good hygiene.” Yes, I’m talking to you asshole; spraying on Axe until your eyes swell up is no excuse for bathing. You do not look "hardcore" or "edgy." You look like a fucking douche. Plain and simple.

And because a picture says a thousand words:


So that's my feelings on the subject. Had to get that off my chest as the holiday shopping season is upon us. Cheers, people.