Sometimes I Hate Facebook

For the record, I love Facebook. In addition to allowing me to connect to people I've met living all over the country, it provides delightful entertainment at times. Sadly, there are times when the bumrush of idiocy outweighs the entertainment value for me. One issue I have with Facebook is that it tends to bring out the stupid in people. Or rather, it allows the stupid in people to be broadcasted instantly and forcefully, in the form of inane Facebook updates.

First up we have the Quasi-Pious Update.
Leon ****** needs 2 jus wait 4 GOD 2 reveal my purpose, instead of trying 2 rush GOD 2 reveal my purpose.
Really? That's awesome. And i'm glad you saved so much time typing 2 instead to laboring to spell out to. Not to sound like the crotchety old man yelling "get off my lawn!" but how fucking lazy is that? And if it's not laziness, that's even worse, because you think it's cool. Guess what? Letters like U and R can mean words like You and Are! Sweet, huh? Douchetard.

How about the Superfluous Letter Update?
Erica ****** ♥ 's her bayybeeee!!!!
WTF? Call me old and crotchety (again) but I just don't get it when girlsss talk likeeee thissss I just don't understand what the need for those extra letters is. And when the hell did HANGIN WITH THE BESTIES become a fucking team sport?

And I loves me some Bullshit Internet Quote Update.
Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, will stay awake just to watch you sleep...Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, Who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without make up, one who is constantly reminding you how much he cares and how lucky is he to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."
Bullshit and bullshit again, I say. Girls that post crap like this are the same type of girls that cheat on guys who act like that. Enough said.

Finally, we need to include the Meathead Douchebag Gym Update.
Mike ****** dear Jack3d and AMP whey protein and pro preformance creatine 189, thank you for letting me bench 250 lbs 2x, that's almost double my body weight and makes me feel awesome
Dear Mike, nobody cares. Not about what supplements you're using to mold your 13-inch guns, nor about what routine you are doing down at the Y, and not even about which product you use in your hair.

On second thought, that's amazing. What product are you using in your hair?

Christian Audigier is a pederast

It has to stop, people. This is utter insanity. It's bad enough that we've been subjected to shitty Ed Hardy shirts, jeans and hats, but now we've got cups, candles, air fresheners and seat covers? Holy fuck, isn't there a recession going on? Why on God's green earth are people spending $50 for a shirt that looks like absolute crap?

I mean, generally the deciding factors in buying any sort of apparel are quality, price and style. We're talking 50-60 bucks for a fucking tee shirt here; how great can the quality really be? If it last five-ten years that makes it...oh, just about as durable as every other tee shirt I own. If this was the coolest thing since the Wonderbra, I could dig it, but seriously? Look at this shirt. LOOK AT IT!


That's a professional model in that pic and the shirt still looks hideous. They all look hideous. Your average Ed Hardy shirt has a disgusting combination of hearts, roses, tigers and eagles vomited out in random disarray and covered with Swarovski crystals, sometimes including scrollwork with the ubiquitous quote, "Love Kills Slowly." Yeah. Like, whatever the fuck that means. Ed Hardy shirts come every color imaginable, yet still manage to look bad with every article of clothing ever created. Its a rare accomplishment for one shirt to suck this much; the only things that go well with Ed Hardy clothing are fake orange tans and social ostracism.

The one redeeming quality they have is that they usually serve as an excellent social barometer. If I meet a dude wearing an Ed Hardy shirt I can immediately tell one of two things.

• He’s under 23. Mom and dad are still shelling out ridiculous gobs of cash to support his various habits, which include jaegerbombs, absurd amounts of hair product, bad fashion choices and cocaine. His faux-goth urban hipster ass just graduated from shopping at Hot Topic, but it hasn't evolved an iota.
• He’s over 23. He’s a complete douchetard that has no sense of fashion and an even poorer sense of silly things like “self respect” and “good hygiene.” Yes, I’m talking to you asshole; spraying on Axe until your eyes swell up is no excuse for bathing. You do not look "hardcore" or "edgy." You look like a fucking douche. Plain and simple.

And because a picture says a thousand words:


So that's my feelings on the subject. Had to get that off my chest as the holiday shopping season is upon us. Cheers, people.