Starlight on waves

I'm may not be the most intelligent guy out there, but I feel like I've probably accumulated a little wisdom in my thirty-odd years of life. Usually wisdom comes in the form of experience, and it seem experience usually comes via bad choices. Ofttimes the wreckage and debris of these choices can clutter our perception for years to come. The trick, I try to remind myself often, is to keep your perspective correct.

The are moments, my friends, that shine in our memories for years thereafter. Moments of happiness, of joy, of triumph, of glory, of love. If the span of our years is a journey mostly filled with routine, the dull and banal, these moments shine. They glitter, like the fire of starlight on a windy sea at night.


Sadly, sometimes--most times, if we dare admit it to ourselves--the star flares out, gutters and burns itself to ash. All that remains is the memory of starlight on the waves. And if we are not careful, we can find ourselves looking back on these moments with a sense of sadness or loss; but that path leads to bitterness an despair.

No my friends, instead think back in happiness that you were there; in joy and gratitude that you were able to experience it in the first place. That way lies the path to peace and serenity. So smile my friends and if you must weep, weep with joy. For if one holds on to the memories of those great moments, it is always easier to find beauty in the mundane. Tears--for example--can glimmer like stars if you look at them in the correct light.

Happy Easter.

Today on Ask Dr. B2K™

"Dear B2K™, what is 6/9 Disease, please? Thanks, Tom in MI."

Dear Tom, I'm glad you asked. 6/9 Disease--while common--often goes undiagnosed. Here's a quick clinical snapshot to help you identify it in the future.


6/9 Disease (femalis inamibilis dysmorphia)

6/9 Disease is an all-too common condition on some college campuses, military bases and other places where single males outnumber single females. It generally afflicts women, ages 18-25.

Symptoms: 6/9 Disease is characterized by (and draws it's name from) the unfortunate event of a "6" somehow coming to the delusional belief that she is a "9."
Side effects include unreasonable haughty, bitchy and snarky behavior that--while well within acceptable social norms for a true 9--come off as ridiculous and annoying as fuck to all non-desperate males in the general vicinity.

Chances are if you know a girl that looks like an mildly attractive version of the Girl Next Door but acts like she's Gisele Bündchen, this unfortunate creature suffers from 6/9 Disease.

March 30th--Thank a Vet Today

Today (March 30th) is officially Welcome Home Vietnam Veterans Day. As usual, our governments have been slow to recognize the service of our Vietnam Vets. And as is now very well known, our Vets were almost universally treated like shit upon their return to the States (fuck you, hippie scum). If you know someone who served in the 60s or 70s and was lucky enough to make it back from Vietnam (Laos, Cambodia, etc) do the decent thing and extend them some thanks today.

That is all.

It's time to exercise that civic duty...

So yeah, for once I'm writing about something neither snarky nor whimsical. In point of fact, it's dead serious. I'm talking about Governor Rick Snyder's proposal to axe the film industry in Michigan.

As someone who considers themselves a staunch fiscal conservative, I understand the rationale behind Snyder removing the state tax incentive for the film industry. That said, I do believe that this was (maybe the only) one thing that Granholm got right in her term as governor. The program might need an overhaul, but for the good of the state, it most definitely should not be killed completely. If Snyder's current proposal goes into effect, this is exactly what will happen. Mitch Albom delivers the message far more poignantly than I could in this article in the Detroit Free Press.

Those of you not inclined to believe a part-time blogger with a liberal arts degree should check out the following study by Ernst & Young in-depth. It illustrates how, despite over $117M of credits being claimed in FY2010 and $73M claimed in 2009, the actual net adjusted cost (when one factors in things like reductions in UI, new state and local taxes, etc) was only $60.4M and $34.6M respectively in those two years. In addition, new business sales in MI totaled over $503M in FY2010 and $309M in FY2009.


The current incentive might be too generous, but if it's capped at $25M like Snyder proposes, it will kill the industry here in MI. We have a growing industry that--in year three of implementation--has is already bringing in over half a billion dollars a year. Why on earth would we want to get rid of that?

Write your congressman, people! This is important. I’ve attached a link to the Michigan House of Representatives HERE. If you live in/near Ann Arbor, I’ve included the following for your easy access:

District Name Party Phone E-mail

052 Ouimet, Mark R 517-373-0828 MarkOuimet@house.mi.gov
053 Irwin, Jeff D 517-373-2577 JeffIrwin@house.mi.gov
055 Olson, Rick R 517-373-1792 RickOlson@house.mi.gov

(4:33pm Update)
From the time I started writing this particular entry, two things have happened. A.)I got positive return emails from Reps Jeff Irwin and Rick Olson, and B). The Avengers has decided to pull out of the state and film elsewhere. This is just the beginning if Snyder’s budget is passed. If you give a damn about the state of your State, get off your ass, take ten minutes off from Facebook and write your congressman.

Regulate what?

So last week I ended up heading downtown with a couple of friends for evening of mayhem and whatnot. En route, the Warren G song "Regulate" came on the radio, to the delight of most of the vehicle's occupants.

I too, rejoiced at this oldie-but-goodie. But not for the reasons you might think. It's the deeper meaning of the song that tugs at my heartstrings. And if that deeper meaning may have escaped you, dear friend, please read further. I submit for your elucidation a more comprehensive review of this poignant gay love story, set to gangsta-rap hooks.

*****

The song explores the homoerotic relationship between a pair of former lovers, Warren G and Nate Dogg, forced to do adopt stereotypical macho postures and behaviour as cover in the somewhat homophobic culture of American Hip-Hop and gang culture.

On a cool, clear night (typical to Southern California) Warren G, who is attempting to live a heterosexual life style travels through his neighborhood, searching for women with whom he might initiate sexual intercourse. He has chosen to engage in this pursuit alone.

Nate Dogg, having just arrived in Long Beach, seeks Warren. On his way to find Warren, Nate passes a car full of women who are excited to see him. Regardless, he insists to the women that there is no cause for excitement.

Warren makes a left turn at 21st Street and Lewis Ave, in the East Hill/Salt Lake neighborhood, where he sees a group of attractive young men enjoying a game of dice together. He parks his car and greets them. He is very excited to find people to play with, but to his chagrin, he discovers they intend to relieve him of his material possessions. Once the hopeful robbers reveal their firearms, Warren realizes he is in a less than favorable predicament.

Meanwhile, Nate passes the women, as they are low on his list of priorities. His primary concern is locating his old lover Warren G. After curtly casting away the strumpets (whose interest in Nate was such that they crashed their automobile), he serendipitously stumbles upon his former partner, Warren G, being held up by the young miscreants.


Warren, unaware that Nate is surreptitiously observing the scene unfold, is in disbelief that he is being robbed. The perpetrators have taken jewelry and a name brand designer watch from Warren, who is so incredulous that he asks what else the robbers intend to steal. This is most likely a rhetorical question.

Observing these unfortunate proceedings, Nate realizes that he may have to use his firearm to deliver his former lover from harm.

The tension crescendos as the robbers point their guns to Warren's head. Warren senses the gravity of his situation. He cannot believe the events unfolding could happen in his own neighborhood. As he imagines himself making a fantastical escape, he catches a glimpse of his former partner, Nate.

Nate has seventeen cartridges (sixteen residing in the pistol's magazine, with a solitary round placed in the chamber and ready to be fired) to expend on the group of robbers. Afterward, he generously shares the credit for neutralizing the situation with Warren, though it is clear that Nate did all of the difficult work. Putting congratulations aside, Nate quickly reminds himself that he has committed multiple homicides to save Warren before letting his friend know that there are females nearby if he wishes to fornicate with them.

Warren recalls that it was the promise of heterosexual copulation that coaxed him away from his previous activities, and is thankful that Nate knows a way to satisfy these urges. Nate quickly finds the women who earlier crashed their car on Nate's account. He remarks to one that he is fond of her physical appeal. The woman, impressed by Nate's singing ability, asks that he and Warren allow her and her friends to share transportation. Soon, both friends are driving with automobiles full of women to the East Side Motel, presumably to consummate their flirtation in an orgy enabling Warren and Nate to have sex ’together’ but maintain their ostensibly heterosexual personas.

The third verse is more expository, with Warren and Nate explaining their G Funk musical style. Warren displays his bravado by daring anyone to approach the style. There follows a brief discussion of the genre's musicological features, with special care taken to point out that in said milieu the rhythm is not in fact the rhythm, as one might assume, but actually the bass. Similarly the bass serves a purpose closer to that which the treble would in more traditional musical forms. Nate displays his bravado by claiming that individuals with equivalent knowledge could not even attempt to approach his level of lyrical mastery. Nate goes on to note that if any third party smokes as he does, they would find themselves in a state of intoxication almost daily (from Nate's other works, it can be inferred that the substance referenced is marijuana). Nate concludes his delineation of the night by issuing a threat to "busters," suggesting that he and Warren will further "regulate" any potential incidents in the future (presumably by engaging their antagonists with small arms fire).

*****

Yeah. So now you know.

Because overkill is underrated

I don't know if this guy is at the wrong gig, like the name of the video clip implies; he's definitely upping the Awesomeness quotient of Elysburg, PA.



Yeah, that just happened. FWIW, I'm going to everything in my power to hire Rick K & the Allnighters for some random event in the upcoming year. I think maybe the best part about this whole thing is that this guy looks so much like a Chris Farley impersonator it takes a full 90 seconds or so before it sinks in that yeah, this guy is totally serious.

Here's to you Steve Moore. Well done, sir.

And now I have 203 bones...

So I broke my foot last week. Dumb. Just walking down the street and saw a snowman…thought it would be a fun idea to kick it. Bad idea. Turns out it wasn’t actually a snowman but an ice-sculpture that someone had sprinkled snow over. Karma, eh? So I dislocated my big toe and broke two small bones in my foot. Resetting my toe was (really) fucking painful, but after that I figured it was NBD; I’ve broken enough bones before and the healing part was never an issue.

Turns out that was incorrect as well. I went back to the VA today to get my foot checked on and…ouch.

Below is a pic of the two sesamoid bones in your foot. They are both encased inside a tendon (the tendon that attaches your big toe to the rest of the major bones in your foot). Turns out that I cracked the outermost one and shattered the inner one (into like six pieces). It won’t heal itself naturally and the pieces are too small for them to try and fuse it back together, so they are going to go in and surgically removed all fragments of the bone entirely. They have to go inside the tendon to dig the pieces out, so it should be a whole lotta fun…I’m glad they are giving me a general anesthetic.


This is a pretty intense surgery, I guess. It’s called “plantar reconstructive surgery” because it repairs the same area that’s effected by Plantar Fasciitis and Turf Toe. Apparently that particular tendon joins up with several ligaments and a nerve cluster at the exact location of those two bones, and the whole process is intertwined pretty intensely. So anyways, surgery is scheduled for 11:30am tomorrow and I’ll be on bed-rest Thursday. 5-6 weeks in an aircast/crutches is what they are telling me but I’m a fast healer, so I’m thinking 4 weeks. Good stuff, huh?