It's time to exercise that civic duty...

So yeah, for once I'm writing about something neither snarky nor whimsical. In point of fact, it's dead serious. I'm talking about Governor Rick Snyder's proposal to axe the film industry in Michigan.

As someone who considers themselves a staunch fiscal conservative, I understand the rationale behind Snyder removing the state tax incentive for the film industry. That said, I do believe that this was (maybe the only) one thing that Granholm got right in her term as governor. The program might need an overhaul, but for the good of the state, it most definitely should not be killed completely. If Snyder's current proposal goes into effect, this is exactly what will happen. Mitch Albom delivers the message far more poignantly than I could in this article in the Detroit Free Press.

Those of you not inclined to believe a part-time blogger with a liberal arts degree should check out the following study by Ernst & Young in-depth. It illustrates how, despite over $117M of credits being claimed in FY2010 and $73M claimed in 2009, the actual net adjusted cost (when one factors in things like reductions in UI, new state and local taxes, etc) was only $60.4M and $34.6M respectively in those two years. In addition, new business sales in MI totaled over $503M in FY2010 and $309M in FY2009.


The current incentive might be too generous, but if it's capped at $25M like Snyder proposes, it will kill the industry here in MI. We have a growing industry that--in year three of implementation--has is already bringing in over half a billion dollars a year. Why on earth would we want to get rid of that?

Write your congressman, people! This is important. I’ve attached a link to the Michigan House of Representatives HERE. If you live in/near Ann Arbor, I’ve included the following for your easy access:

District Name Party Phone E-mail

052 Ouimet, Mark R 517-373-0828 MarkOuimet@house.mi.gov
053 Irwin, Jeff D 517-373-2577 JeffIrwin@house.mi.gov
055 Olson, Rick R 517-373-1792 RickOlson@house.mi.gov

(4:33pm Update)
From the time I started writing this particular entry, two things have happened. A.)I got positive return emails from Reps Jeff Irwin and Rick Olson, and B). The Avengers has decided to pull out of the state and film elsewhere. This is just the beginning if Snyder’s budget is passed. If you give a damn about the state of your State, get off your ass, take ten minutes off from Facebook and write your congressman.

Regulate what?

So last week I ended up heading downtown with a couple of friends for evening of mayhem and whatnot. En route, the Warren G song "Regulate" came on the radio, to the delight of most of the vehicle's occupants.

I too, rejoiced at this oldie-but-goodie. But not for the reasons you might think. It's the deeper meaning of the song that tugs at my heartstrings. And if that deeper meaning may have escaped you, dear friend, please read further. I submit for your elucidation a more comprehensive review of this poignant gay love story, set to gangsta-rap hooks.

*****

The song explores the homoerotic relationship between a pair of former lovers, Warren G and Nate Dogg, forced to do adopt stereotypical macho postures and behaviour as cover in the somewhat homophobic culture of American Hip-Hop and gang culture.

On a cool, clear night (typical to Southern California) Warren G, who is attempting to live a heterosexual life style travels through his neighborhood, searching for women with whom he might initiate sexual intercourse. He has chosen to engage in this pursuit alone.

Nate Dogg, having just arrived in Long Beach, seeks Warren. On his way to find Warren, Nate passes a car full of women who are excited to see him. Regardless, he insists to the women that there is no cause for excitement.

Warren makes a left turn at 21st Street and Lewis Ave, in the East Hill/Salt Lake neighborhood, where he sees a group of attractive young men enjoying a game of dice together. He parks his car and greets them. He is very excited to find people to play with, but to his chagrin, he discovers they intend to relieve him of his material possessions. Once the hopeful robbers reveal their firearms, Warren realizes he is in a less than favorable predicament.

Meanwhile, Nate passes the women, as they are low on his list of priorities. His primary concern is locating his old lover Warren G. After curtly casting away the strumpets (whose interest in Nate was such that they crashed their automobile), he serendipitously stumbles upon his former partner, Warren G, being held up by the young miscreants.


Warren, unaware that Nate is surreptitiously observing the scene unfold, is in disbelief that he is being robbed. The perpetrators have taken jewelry and a name brand designer watch from Warren, who is so incredulous that he asks what else the robbers intend to steal. This is most likely a rhetorical question.

Observing these unfortunate proceedings, Nate realizes that he may have to use his firearm to deliver his former lover from harm.

The tension crescendos as the robbers point their guns to Warren's head. Warren senses the gravity of his situation. He cannot believe the events unfolding could happen in his own neighborhood. As he imagines himself making a fantastical escape, he catches a glimpse of his former partner, Nate.

Nate has seventeen cartridges (sixteen residing in the pistol's magazine, with a solitary round placed in the chamber and ready to be fired) to expend on the group of robbers. Afterward, he generously shares the credit for neutralizing the situation with Warren, though it is clear that Nate did all of the difficult work. Putting congratulations aside, Nate quickly reminds himself that he has committed multiple homicides to save Warren before letting his friend know that there are females nearby if he wishes to fornicate with them.

Warren recalls that it was the promise of heterosexual copulation that coaxed him away from his previous activities, and is thankful that Nate knows a way to satisfy these urges. Nate quickly finds the women who earlier crashed their car on Nate's account. He remarks to one that he is fond of her physical appeal. The woman, impressed by Nate's singing ability, asks that he and Warren allow her and her friends to share transportation. Soon, both friends are driving with automobiles full of women to the East Side Motel, presumably to consummate their flirtation in an orgy enabling Warren and Nate to have sex ’together’ but maintain their ostensibly heterosexual personas.

The third verse is more expository, with Warren and Nate explaining their G Funk musical style. Warren displays his bravado by daring anyone to approach the style. There follows a brief discussion of the genre's musicological features, with special care taken to point out that in said milieu the rhythm is not in fact the rhythm, as one might assume, but actually the bass. Similarly the bass serves a purpose closer to that which the treble would in more traditional musical forms. Nate displays his bravado by claiming that individuals with equivalent knowledge could not even attempt to approach his level of lyrical mastery. Nate goes on to note that if any third party smokes as he does, they would find themselves in a state of intoxication almost daily (from Nate's other works, it can be inferred that the substance referenced is marijuana). Nate concludes his delineation of the night by issuing a threat to "busters," suggesting that he and Warren will further "regulate" any potential incidents in the future (presumably by engaging their antagonists with small arms fire).

*****

Yeah. So now you know.

Because overkill is underrated

I don't know if this guy is at the wrong gig, like the name of the video clip implies; he's definitely upping the Awesomeness quotient of Elysburg, PA.



Yeah, that just happened. FWIW, I'm going to everything in my power to hire Rick K & the Allnighters for some random event in the upcoming year. I think maybe the best part about this whole thing is that this guy looks so much like a Chris Farley impersonator it takes a full 90 seconds or so before it sinks in that yeah, this guy is totally serious.

Here's to you Steve Moore. Well done, sir.

And now I have 203 bones...

So I broke my foot last week. Dumb. Just walking down the street and saw a snowman…thought it would be a fun idea to kick it. Bad idea. Turns out it wasn’t actually a snowman but an ice-sculpture that someone had sprinkled snow over. Karma, eh? So I dislocated my big toe and broke two small bones in my foot. Resetting my toe was (really) fucking painful, but after that I figured it was NBD; I’ve broken enough bones before and the healing part was never an issue.

Turns out that was incorrect as well. I went back to the VA today to get my foot checked on and…ouch.

Below is a pic of the two sesamoid bones in your foot. They are both encased inside a tendon (the tendon that attaches your big toe to the rest of the major bones in your foot). Turns out that I cracked the outermost one and shattered the inner one (into like six pieces). It won’t heal itself naturally and the pieces are too small for them to try and fuse it back together, so they are going to go in and surgically removed all fragments of the bone entirely. They have to go inside the tendon to dig the pieces out, so it should be a whole lotta fun…I’m glad they are giving me a general anesthetic.


This is a pretty intense surgery, I guess. It’s called “plantar reconstructive surgery” because it repairs the same area that’s effected by Plantar Fasciitis and Turf Toe. Apparently that particular tendon joins up with several ligaments and a nerve cluster at the exact location of those two bones, and the whole process is intertwined pretty intensely. So anyways, surgery is scheduled for 11:30am tomorrow and I’ll be on bed-rest Thursday. 5-6 weeks in an aircast/crutches is what they are telling me but I’m a fast healer, so I’m thinking 4 weeks. Good stuff, huh?

Living the Dream...

I've hated Christmas for years. I went home to Cali for the Holidays last year and I'm pretty positive that was the first time I truly enjoyed Christmas since 1995.

I'm not 100% sure what's going on but--somehow--things seem different this year. Maybe it's perspective; I've gained a helluva lot of it in the last year. Maybe it's just because I'm happier with myself than I've been in a long time. Whatever, I find myself getting into the spirit of things far more than I have in the past.

I broke my foot last weekend. For some reason I thought that kicking a snowman sounded like a good idea. Unfortunately, it wasn't just a simple snowman, but a fucking ice sculpture that someone had sprinkled snow over. Yeah, like 90 lbs of solid ice. Needless to say, the ice didn't give, but I have the dislocated big toe and two cracked metatarsals to show that my foot did.

DON'T DO IT!

So I've got a cast on my foot and I'm motoring around on crutches for the next couple of weeks or so. NBD. The reality is, that little tangent aside, I've got it made. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. I love my job. I love the people in my life. I love the direction my life seems to be going. But one thing I've come to be more cognizant of is that even when the destination looks sweet, you gotta enjoy the journey.

And I am, my friends. I'm enjoying every minute of it. Happy Holidays.

We don't know what this is, exactly. But it's Metal as Fuck.

This is a photograph of a menu--for maybe the Coolest Restaurant Ever--that has been making the rounds on the internet. On the plus side, this place looks unbelievably awesome. On the downside, despite my googlestalking prowess, I can find neither hide nor hair of said restaurant's physical location.

The low prices rule out the Coasts, and the psuedo-Pagan/Satanic nature of the restaurant itself probably rules out the Bible Belt. Thus, I'm thinking somewhere in the Midwest or Great Plains. I could totally see this place being a huge hit in Sturgis during the bike rally, fwiw.

Regardless, if anyone has any idea where this place is actually located, please do your small part towards making the world a better place and post it on this blog so I can spread the word. Thanks all! \m/

(click on pic to enlarge for full awesomeness)

We don't care where you like it...

unless it's in the butt.

Seriously.

Apparently unemployed Womyn's Studies graduates everywhere have been scheming to come up with a clever new trick to communicate in secret and leave us slow, knuckle-dragging men blinking like brook trout in befuddled wonder.

"I like it on the floor," "I like it on the couch," "I like it on my desk" ... you may have seen some of these Facebook status updates in the last week.

But what is "it"?

It is for "purse." The Washington Post's Melissa Bell explains:

Women are posting where they like to keep their purses when they come home, but they conveniently leave out the word "purse." October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, and the "I like it on" trend is an attempt for women to unite around that cause in a top secret way. The idea is figuratively to leave men in the dark.

Let me tell you what else "it" is: it's fucking stupid. Sorry, girls. If you want to PM each other or get some sweet group email going that leaves us me out, we're totally fine with that. But broadcasting anything that can be ambiguously related to sex while attempting to "figuratively leave men in the dark" is just plain asinine.

What’s the point? To sit back and see clueless responses of us idiot males as we are stupefied by your mysterious and provocative nature? The sheer disdainfulness of that is akin to pointing out if your puns were intended.

"Hey stupid Y-chromosome, you see that play on words I just made? Yeah, well that wasn't an accident. In fact, I thought it was so clever that I didn't think your simple mind would be able to comprehend the brilliance of my play on words, and I wanted to make sure you know that those of us with ovaries are not only smart enough to use homonyms, but that we’re smart enough to point them out."

If you want to post something chock-full of random sexual innuendo, make it worth my while, please. "I like it on my face" is a good start. "I like it on my butterfly tattoo" works as well; assuming the ink is on your lower back, my mind will immediately wander to the target practice and the trajectories involved.
And of course "I like it in the butt" will more than likely prompt a trip to CVS so I can buy you a toothbrush.

But whatever you do, please don't confuse "it" with "that." Because, as we all know, some of us just won't do That.