On the disturbing foresight of Mr. Jefferson...

I was reading this weekend (shocking, I know) and I came across this Thomas Jefferson quote:

"Yes, we did produce a near perfect republic. But will they keep it?
Or will they in their enjoyment of plenty, lose the memory of freedom?
Material abundance without character is the surest way to self-destruction.
Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just."

Now, it's no secret that I've always had a man-crush on TJ. This guy was a serious badass. Yeah, sure everyone knows he wrote the Declaration of Independence. Most are hip to the fact that he made it illegal to import slaves (basically establishing the necessary framework for any and all future civil rights) and was responsible for acquiring 23% of modern day America's land.

Some are even aware that he was probably the smartest President in American history. (Case in point: John F. Kennedy once held a gathering with the brightest minds in the world--49 Nobel Prize winners--in the White House Dining Room. It was here that he quipped that this was "...probably the greatest concentration of talent and genius in this house except for perhaps those times when Thomas Jefferson ate alone." There were no laughs. Because it wasn't a joke.)

Not many are aware TJ won a war against pirates (in only one term!), designed his own home, which is often ranked as one of the top architectural wonders of America, or that he founded Virgina College because William and Mary wasn't smart enough for him. Oh, and did I mention HE HAD FUCKING AUTISM?! So yeah, basically the greatest political badass in American history--think Ronald Reagan meets Tony Stark.

That's just one reason why the above quote is disturbing to me. As I look around and see where we appear to be headed, none of it looks good. When I contemplate the fact that someone that intelligent saw the whole thing coming (and the general path it would take) roughly 250 years ago, it makes me take heed. Of course, what to do about it?

Random thoughts for a Monday afternoon. Cheers, people.

Conan the Musical?

No, it's not real, as much as it should be. After all, kids like musicals. Think of the awesome possibilities here of educating our young on the most important things in life early. Specifically, crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you and hearing the lamentation of their women.

Yay(!) for montage awesomeness.

On another note, how boring--and lame--by comparison is the next governor of California going to be? Oh well...maybe this gives Arnie the chance to finally film Conan the King, like I (and nerds like me) have been waiting expectantly for the last 20 years or so.
If this thing actually gets completed, it will make Star Trek (2009) look like the Diet Coke of long-awaited sequel awesomeness. A guy can dream, right?

Best. Haircut. Ever...

There aren't many things in life that can make me feel as good as a truly sweet haircut. Huge props to Sabrina at Lady Jane's, Ann Arbor, for her hour-long effort to drop some whupass on my unruly tresses this past Saturday, an effort which was a virtuoso display of both excellent taste and shear scissor-wielding badassery.

If I still drank, this is how my Saturday night would have went down. Especially if I could afford to hire Steel Panther for a gig.

James Toney is insane...

and not in a good way. Not, for instance, like Clubber Lang Insane.

No, Mr. Toney is insane in a manner similar to the way Timothy Treadwell was insane. Note I said was, as the late Grizzly Man is no longer with us.

I know that I'm supposed to root for (or at least support) Toney, as he's the local Ann Arbor/Ypsi boy, but it's hard to get behind anyone that's obviously either insane or really really stupid.



Note to James: Randy Couture is The Man. He is light years better than you at every single aspect of MMA that isn't straight boxing and is in ridiculously better shape, in addition to being a helluva lot bigger than you are. Randy Couture will absolutely smash you. Furthermore, Randy Couture is Captain America; he is maybe the only person in MMA that every single MMA fan really likes.

Talking shit about Randy Couture isn't going to promote your fight, dumbass--everyone watches Randy fight anyways. All it's going to do is make every MMA fan on earth pray that said fight actually happens so they can watch Captain America destroy you and then watch you fade back into well-deserved irrelevance.

Vuvuzela's Revenge

Even the formerly sacrosanct territory of all-things-Lord-of-the-Rings has been invaded by my new least-favorite South African export.



Ugghhh.

Apparently America really is this stupid

I'm going to start out here with the assumption that you don't know who Hank Johnson is. No biggie; don't beat yourself up for being uninformed. For most of America, there's not much reason to know exactly who Hank Johnson is.


Apparently Hank Johnson is a congressman from the great state of Georgia. He has two degrees, including a Juris Doctor, and practiced law for over 25 years prior to being elected in 2006. Despite this, Hank Johnson apparently doesn't understand basic physics. Or geology. Or gravity and other common sense things that should be terribly obvious by the time one has matriculated from 2nd grade.

In the clip below, you will see Mr. Johnson speaking to Admiral Robert Willard about a potential military buildup on the island of Guam. Approximately 1:25 into the clip below, you will see Congressman Johnson express concerns that the addition of 8,000 military men could cause the island to "tip over and capsize."

Yes. I'm not kidding. Check it out.



The all the discipline of a career military man, Admiral Willard simply responds, "We don't anticipate that." Well played, Admiral. Well played, indeed.

So yes, America. This is who we are. The Apocalypse is nigh.

Sorry. Wrong hole...

Someone's getting on the Lonely Island Wannabe train. In his defense, the lyrics are pretty funny ("In my defense, those holes are so close together...") and the pseudo 80's/90's "video" is excellent; sort of a hybrid between a video for a 1985 arena rock band and something 'N Sync would have done.

Enjoy.