Happy St. Patrick's Day!

As someone that has spent over a decade (off and on) as a bartender, I pretty much despise Amateur Hour. For years, the idea of going out to the bar on a Friday or Saturday night has always sounded absurd...I mean, why would I? On the weekends the bar is packed to the gills with people that only drink on rare occasions and have no idea how to handle themselves when they do. Umm, I'll pass. Give me a Sunday or a Tuesday night out anytime, thank you.

It's for this same reason that I hold a particular hatred for the Amateur Holidays. New Years Eve? Terrible. 4th of July? Can't stand it. It's the same principle as a Saturday night out, but to the fourth power. No thanks, I'll stay home and avoid having my shoes puked on, thank you very much.

However, there is--and has always been, for me--one exception to the Amateur Hour rule: St. Patrick's Day. I fuckin love St. Pat's. It's my favorite holiday of the year. Maybe it has something to do with the time I spent in Savannah, GA, home of the world's largest St. Patty's Day festival. Maybe it's because wherever you go on March 17th it's a complete shit-show from sunrise to sunset. Maybe because it's 24 hours of watching people furiously grasp at that elusive thing known as "fun" and try and ride it as hard and as fast as they can.

This might have something do do with it as well.

Truth be told, it really doesn't matter why. The fact of the matter is that today, on my favorite day of the year--whether you're partaking or just observing--I have one thing and one thing only to say to you: Sláinte, my friend.

Neil Young gets the last laugh

I miss the 1970's. Not that I actually remember them. I mean, I was technically around (for about a blink) but I was too young to have any memories. Regardless, I miss just about everything the 70's represent, not least of which is pop music that's actually...well, actually good.

Just when you thought you never wanted to hear anything "Pants on the Ground" ever again, Neil Young* proves you (and everyone else) wrong.

Fuck you, Skynyrd.



*So yeah, it's actually Jimmy Fallon and not Neil Young. Who cares? It's still awesome.

Is it just me or is that Betty White on your inner thigh?

As those of you that follow this thing know, we've seen some terrible tattoos in our time. We've even seen a few that are so ridiculous--so audacious--they turn terrible on it's ear and somehow emerge as pure awesomeness.

Yep. It's rare but it does happen. Anyone recall the Swayzaur? Yeah, exactly.

However, even the Swayzaur pales in comparison to this masterpiece in sheer absurdity.

Holy fuck, right?!

Not only do we have a Mt. Rushmore-esque panorama of Golden Girl deliciousness slathered across a set of thighs (the owner of which definitely seems too young to recall Blanche, Rose, Dorothy and Sophia in prime--or post-prime--glory) but we also have the phrase "Stay Gold." For those of you too young to recall, "Stay Gold" is the most famous quote from the 1983 movie The Outsiders, a quote that's actually in reference to the Robert Frost poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay."

All in all, this tat is a masterpiece in homage to the 80's. Sure, it won't look too pretty when it's owner is carrying it around 30 years from now, but I think that's a small price to pay to rock such unadulterated awesomeness. Even if only for a little while. Cheers.

NSD 2010 Implications, both for UM and nationwide...

National Signing Day 2010 has come and gone with all the appropriate hullabaloo. As a Michigan fan, it was kind of a mixed bag. So let's hit the obvious highs and lows about UM and then touch a bit on some national trends which I find encouraging.

First the Good:

• Devin Gardner was the best dual-threat QB in the nation and the top guy on RR’s board. I don’t give two shits that Rivals ranked him out of their Top 100; our staff thought he was the very best available and they got him.
• Demar Dorsey (at either CB or S) is the kind of athlete that, historically, only commits to UM twice a decade or so. The sky’s the limit for this kid.
• Richard Ash (DT), Cullen Christian (CB), Ricardo Miller (WR), Marvin Robinson (LB), and Ken Wilkins (DE) all have “elite” potential. These guys look (right now) like they could be legit multi-year starters at UM, as well as All B10 or even potential All Americans somewhere down the road.
• Courtney Avery (CB), Jibreel Black (DT), Josh Furman (LB), Carvin Johnson (S/OLB), Conelious Jones (QB) and Jake Ryan (LB/DE) all appear to be ridiculous athletes that—either due to injury or to playing out of position—were highly underrated.
• DB and DT got an infusion of bodies and the LB position got an infusion of speed. If RR is still around two years from now, he will have a deep and fast defense to coach.
• In addition to the scholarship kids, our preferred walkons this year include an all-state kicker (Jeremy Ross 5'5 145 Ann Arbor, MI Pioneer), a wideout that was rated a 3* player by Scout (Baquer Sayed 6'1 175 4.78 Dearborn, MI Fordson), two nimble-footed OL (Kristian Mateus 6'8 285 Grand Rapids, MI Forest Hills Central and Dylan Esterline 6'6 215 Blissfield, MI) , as well as two very athletic utility players (Quintin Tucker LB/DL 6'1 230 San Diego, CA Scripps Ranch and Antonio Lewis DB/LB/RB 5'11 190 Detroit, MI Central)

Now the Bad:

• We still didn’t land a true NT. This is a vital component to GERG’s 4-3 Hybrid defense. After Graves and Jones decommitted last year at NSD, that leaves us with only Big Will Campbell and Sagesse to play NT this year. (That is, of course, assuming the coaches move beastly Mike Martin back to his 3-tech DT position to cry havoc and let slip the wolverines of war in 2010.) Furthermore, it means that in 2011, BWC will either be backed up by a RS frosh/true soph or Martin will be forced to move back to NT.
• We only landed one scholarship OL this year. What this means, given the current scholarship situation, is that—barring a walkon somehow starting—UM will be forced to play at least one redshirt sophomore on the offensive line in 2012.

Now let's peep the NSD Consensus Rankings. These are brought to you by my buddy StinkyP1nky and combine all four of the national recruiting services, weighted equally.



What does it all mean? Well, with the exception of a few cases where the rich got richer (U$C, Florida) and the Red River Rivalry continuing in the Big 12, it means one thing: PARITY.

• Sure, Florida was at the top, but there were four SEC teams in the Top 10.
• And yes, U$C’s class was ridiculous, but there were four Pac10 teams in the Top 15 and five in the Top 20; this is a far cry from the last decade of the Pac10 being a conference with a “Big One and Little Nine.” Even barring Impending NCAA Sanction Doom, it’s difficult to imagine U$C* continuing to run roughshod over the Pac10 for years to come if this continues.
• In the Big Ten, Ohio State totally shat the bed. Seriously, OSU is the only major football program in the nation's 4th best state for football talent, yet they somehow let the three best players in their state (Latwan Anderson, Jordan Hicks and Spencer Ware) get away to out-of-state schools. PSU easily had the best class in the conference, yet somehow UM came in second(!) with what has been considered the consensus “worst” recruiting class since 2000.

The way I see it, parity sucks when you’re one of the big dogs and great when you’re one of the little guys trying to catch up. Like it or not, Michigan is currently facing a crisis of ego and perception as a program. We have the history, tradition, facilities and money to be among the elite of the CFB universe, but two years of suckitude, shitty public relations (thanks, in the most part to our own Dickhead Benedict Arnold Local Michigan Media) and playing in a conference that has a reputation as staid, stodgy and outdated (thank you Jim Delany, you arrogant fuck) have conspired to drop UM down to one of those middle-tier BCS schools in the minds of many recruits. Luckily, high school kids have short memories. A year or two of winning and Michigan will go back to being “Michigan.” I just hope it happens sooner than later.

Cheers, friends.

*A small tangential aside: I generally feel bad for kids that end up suffering the consequences of coaches' actions when a school goes on probation. In the soon to be case of U$C, that's just not true at all. Yes, I realize these are 17 and 18 year-old kids, but this investigation has been ongoing in one extent or another since Reggie Bush got called out for cheating in 2006. Sorry new Trojans, I hope you never play in a bowl game and I hope your family never gets to watch a single game of you playing on television. That is all.

There's a lesson here, somewhere...

So I sort of stumbled across this online. Apparently there was a bit of sibling trouble in paradise. The following is an actual Facebook blast* that has been modified for mass consumption, as well as an actual attached photo*. The blast is funny, the photo is even funnier, and the attached comments* are epic. Consume!

*Click on each pic to enlarge, if necessary.



Uh oh...what did Chris find?



Ouch. Look Katie, I'm all for lists. I love them. I'm a "list person" even; I keep my life organized via legal pads. However, there's certain inevitable rules of discretion that have to accompany certain types of lists. Leaving a Kill List like this on a blank sheet of paper where anyone can see it is basically asking for it to be found and broadcasted. In the future, if some sort of OCD compels to to write this shit down, try an Excel spreadsheet. It's faster and more effecient anyways...not that I would know anything about that. Just sayin...



Oh man, where to begin...



The best part: "What are you gonna do? Tell mom and dad I uploaded your dicksucking list to facebook? Go ahead." This is absolutely classic.

Anyways, share this with a friend...it makes for a good laugh. Cheers, folks.

It's so coooold in the D!

Yes, it's an oldie, but this shit never ceases to be funny. And with the temps in SE Michigan dropping to the single digits, I can think of few better ways to ring in 2010 than the most hilariously bad video ever. Enjoy!

First (and last) thoughts on Tiger Woods

As some of you know, I play golf sometimes. I'm not very good but I enjoy it tremendously.

For the last ten years I have given nary a thought to Tiger. When he was on his game, he was unstoppable. He had this squeaky-clean image of an All-American white kid that just happened to be black and asian by birth, complete with suburban Connecticut accent. He's got a Stanford education. He's a billionaire. He married a supermodel. Basically he's been the paragon of success, and the hero of hypercompetitive malcontents everywhere.

To me, he's just been boring. Uninteresting. Boring because he didn't seem real. I don't mean that in a "I knew it all along--he was too good to be true!" sort of way. I mean that in that way that people that I find interesting are usually layered and flawed; Tiger seemed the opposite of that. In an odd way, this "scandal" actually makes me pay attention, because I am starting to find him somewhat interesting.

The people that I find hilarious in this situation that are cheering his downfall. Like, "Oooh! Tiger's gonna get his now! Did you see Gatorate pulled his product line? He's gonna lose all his sponsorships, the dirty cheater!" Ummm, no. Fucktards.

Let's do a little math here: Eldrick Tiger Woods is a fucking billionaire. Let's be very conservative and assume he's only 10% liquid. Now lets be even more conservative and assume that $100M is only earning him a 5% rate of return. Simple math tells you the man will continue to earn at least $5M a year for the rest of his life if he never swings a club or signs another endorsement deal ever again. And that's a very conservative estimate; in reality it's probably closer to $20M annually.



Tiger doesn't give a shit what you think, or what I think. Nor should he. He doesn't give a shit what Gatorade or Phil Knight or Tim Finchem thinks either. More than likely, the only people who's opinions matter to Tiger are those of his wife and kids, family (his mother and his three siblings) and his close friends.

Regardless of levels of success in any (and every) other aspect of life, from here on out people will be judging Tiger for this indiscretion. That's his business. Not yours and not mine. All the same, I can't but help and find the whole thing...interesting. Finally.